The Quarter Century Marker
On March 28, 25 years ago...
I entered the world at 9:18pm, weighing in at 6 lbs 15 oz. It was just my mom & I then, because my dad was still in the Philippines.
It's crazy to see where I am today and what I have gone through in the past 25 years--the only 25 years of my life. It has definitely been a roller coaster of events, emotions, and circumstances. Such experiences in my life may not have been what I expected or planned, but my eyes have been opening up to the way God has always been involved from the very beginning.
My journey in knowing God personally involves various people and events, at different stages in life, that have shaped my values and convictions to this day. I wish I could write down all of those wonderful incidents, but alas, I cannot recall every single one. I will say that there are few significant moments in my life which were definite God-moments--where He has been leading me to where He wants me to be, right now.
I have come to know God through pain, emotionally and physically. Many of my friends and family have known about my physical disability as soon as I was diagnosed at age 7. I was physically limited where I couldn't do a lot of what the other kids were doing. Some well-meaning people have even told me that I couldn't do things (e.g. run) as it might worsen my condition. Growing up, I absorb a lot of what people tell me (mostly negative than positive) which is probably why this disability has been one of those factors that have affected me emotionally because I saw myself as different. I didn't like being different.
Now as I look back, I realize that a lot of my behavior stems from this past. I think I'm more afraid to show my weaknesses because I wanted to prove to everyone that I was strong enough--that I could handle anything life threw at me. It's not something you want to hear when someone says you cannot do certain things, thereby limiting the things you are actually capable of doing. So, not only have I built up a facade of a tough exterior, but inside I felt completely inadequate. My feelings of inadequacy (incompetency) has been following me and haunting me for most of my life. This is probably why I find myself giving up too easily.
But GOD...
...has been at work in my life since the day I was conceived. The defining moments that I have experienced thus far have been carefully planned out by the God who set the stars in their precise location, who created the human body with intricate detail, and who exists beyond time & space. There are still some things I don't completely understand and probably won't comprehend until I am standing face to face with Him.
However, I thank God for revealing Himself to me through the gospel of His Son, Jesus Christ. At a place in my life where I lacked competency and control, He has proved to be the Only One whose plans & ways are far beyond my reasoning and expectations. It is also coming to the point in my life where I see myself as a completely wretched individual, a sinner with nothing good in me.
This is my continued prayer, for each year God grants me, to live a life that honors His Name and gives Him glory until I take my last breath on earth or when Christ returns.
It's crazy to see where I am today and what I have gone through in the past 25 years--the only 25 years of my life. It has definitely been a roller coaster of events, emotions, and circumstances. Such experiences in my life may not have been what I expected or planned, but my eyes have been opening up to the way God has always been involved from the very beginning.
My journey in knowing God personally involves various people and events, at different stages in life, that have shaped my values and convictions to this day. I wish I could write down all of those wonderful incidents, but alas, I cannot recall every single one. I will say that there are few significant moments in my life which were definite God-moments--where He has been leading me to where He wants me to be, right now.
***
I have come to know God through pain, emotionally and physically. Many of my friends and family have known about my physical disability as soon as I was diagnosed at age 7. I was physically limited where I couldn't do a lot of what the other kids were doing. Some well-meaning people have even told me that I couldn't do things (e.g. run) as it might worsen my condition. Growing up, I absorb a lot of what people tell me (mostly negative than positive) which is probably why this disability has been one of those factors that have affected me emotionally because I saw myself as different. I didn't like being different.
Now as I look back, I realize that a lot of my behavior stems from this past. I think I'm more afraid to show my weaknesses because I wanted to prove to everyone that I was strong enough--that I could handle anything life threw at me. It's not something you want to hear when someone says you cannot do certain things, thereby limiting the things you are actually capable of doing. So, not only have I built up a facade of a tough exterior, but inside I felt completely inadequate. My feelings of inadequacy (incompetency) has been following me and haunting me for most of my life. This is probably why I find myself giving up too easily.
But GOD...
...has been at work in my life since the day I was conceived. The defining moments that I have experienced thus far have been carefully planned out by the God who set the stars in their precise location, who created the human body with intricate detail, and who exists beyond time & space. There are still some things I don't completely understand and probably won't comprehend until I am standing face to face with Him.
However, I thank God for revealing Himself to me through the gospel of His Son, Jesus Christ. At a place in my life where I lacked competency and control, He has proved to be the Only One whose plans & ways are far beyond my reasoning and expectations. It is also coming to the point in my life where I see myself as a completely wretched individual, a sinner with nothing good in me.
As it is written, "None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one." [Romans 3:10-12, ESV]No matter my religious upbringing or moral upkeep, I am still depraved apart from Christ. It is God who shows me my need for a Savior because I cannot come to God on my own. God, rich in mercy and with great love made me alive in Christ even when I was dead in sin (Ephesians 2:4-5). It's acknowledging my sinfulness and what I deserve because of my rebellioiusness & deliberate disobedience towards God. But trusting in Jesus for the price He paid on the cross because the punishment for my sin had to be paid, I know that my salvation is secure not on what I have done (because I've done nothing and contributed nothing to my salvation) but on the Person and completed work of Christ. Once I put my faith in Him, a legal transaction (the great exchange) took place where now my badness has been put on Christ and Christ's goodness has been placed on me (aka. double imputation)--that is grace; completely undeserved--now God sees me as the very righteousness of Christ. It is the same for everyone who repents of their sins and places their faith & trust in Christ alone for their salvation. And out of obedience and love for God, we remain faithful to His Word, allowing God's Spirit to work in our life as a living sacrifice, holy & acceptable to Him (Romans 12:1).
This is my continued prayer, for each year God grants me, to live a life that honors His Name and gives Him glory until I take my last breath on earth or when Christ returns.
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