To my dearest,

I don’t like to admit this, but I’ve been thinking about you almost every single day for a couple of months now. Even a small moment is spent praying for you for God to remind you that I’m waiting for you (and hoping you’re doing the same for me).

Since the start of this year, it has been a constant battle and challenge to save myself for you—emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, and spiritually. Lately, I’ve been able to see how easy it is to get myself in a fleeting relationship with random people. So you can imagine how hard it is to deny myself this experience so I can save the best of myself for you, truly and completely! It is a struggle; it is tough; it is so hard, but I have faith in God that He is working out every detail of our future love story.

                Most people that I encounter with these days know more or less about my “relationship status.” It can be a good thing or a bad thing. I like to think that it is more of a good thing because right now they can see me how I am, as a single individual—unattached to a person but totally connected to God. I want people to see how satisfied I am in Christ and how I don’t need another person to define my identity. I don’t need the affection, approval, attention, etc. from another human being to feel worth, value, and love. God completely satisfies every need we have. He has been challenging me in this area because it is something I wrestle with every once and a while. I used to think that I need to be in a relationship with someone in order to be secure, mature, and whatnot. God’s question to me is: Can I still glorify God with my life, even if His will is for me to be single? That was really tough to process because I realized I had become obsessed with the idea of marriage; that I forgot that the ultimate source of my joy comes from God above.

                I watch romantic comedies, listen to love songs, and witness a handful of my friends either begin a budding romance or get married after a long & serious relationship. I can’t help feeling envious and wishing that I could be one of those few people who get to go through that right now. The problem with that is that it causes me to be anxious and doubt God’s power to answer my prayer in His time. I can’t see the future and I don’t know what to expect, so this puts me in a vulnerable position. Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that it’s hard to have faith in something I cannot see or know yet. But isn’t that just the beauty of having faith? [Hebrews 11:1]

                Well, I pray that whatever it is you’re doing right now, God is molding you and equipping you to be the kind of man God wants you to be. Furthermore, my prayer is that He does the same with me so that when that perfect time comes, we would be very much mature in our relationship God that our straightened paths would some day cross. I’m excited for that moment! But until then, may you grow in love and knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

<3 Your future wife!

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